whitefoxman: the one who walks the coldest path

 I realized that I am okay with out a facebook account... life is great. I use a app called bluesky. it is somewhat like twitter use to be before it was renamed to X I don't know why facebook banned my identity or my name from being able to make a new facebook account. I ain't worried about it. all I met from the facebook world was mean, nasty and toxic people.

  I was laying there thinking about my current situation and how greatful I am to be not entirely homeless. I have a very loving family, we aren't perfect. we do have our flaws; anyways. I am not here to talk about them.  I am here to blog about me. I was thinking why do I end up back here? I was laying there taking inventory on what I need to do next time for when I do find a place to call my own home once again. I need to stay away from active using alcoholics and active using addicts. I need to ignore pretty dangerous type of women. and I need to avoid relationships all together. I can harshly admit about my self I become very co-dependent on a person when I get into a relationship. I tend to become very attached and very invested in that individual that I begin to lose my own focus on self-care and responsibility on taking care of me. I need to remind myself that I am a responsibility myself, my needs and wants need to be met by me only. I need to become more self-absorbed...

  there is some thing's I would fight for! but there is a whole lot that I won't fight for that don't belong to me.  I would fight for my soul, my body and my mind. but to fight for another person to be mine. I would not fight for. if a person wants to be with you. they would just be with you. there is no reason to fight for anyone to be yours.  I finally figured that out has I hit my mid thirties. I love my peaceful life. people come and go. and that is that. it is what it is. I got bigger fish to fry. I got to stay on the objective. the goal. the good path and my destiny. the hobbies that I would fight for in my life; would be freedom to go to the gym. exercise! part of my life is dedicated to the gym because of my health conditions! I need it for therapy; mental health issues and I need it to manage type 2 diabetes.  I love playing guitar. I love reading books! self help! addiction related books! auto-biographies of good authors and certain celebrities! and I love...

it really is hard to tell the difference in a person upon meeting them. but you can sense it if your mind is clear enough. if you faced some one who has a resentment or hidden agenda against you; you will eventually find out down the road you walk with them. I faced many betrayals upon my life. I have done what I needed to do to cut my ties from such malevolent forces. from my experience a malevolent force will have no spirituality; and doesn't have any experience facing the term of "duality!" Duality is a recognition that I found in life a very hard and touchy thing to talk about. conquering it is a must. to ability to recognize that I have two sides. a benevolent side and a malevolent side. it is basically why I walk alone in life and have no partner. recognizing that I have two sides made in my whole well being made me more emotional intelligent and it helps me separate a lot of from being seduced to walk down certain paths in life. often times I find myself questionin...

  a perfect song about two lover's colliding! then the ironic thing about it! they both disappear from each other's sight's to never finish what they started. beautiful masterpiece from the weekend and Ariana Grande. a tale of two lover's afraid of love; sacrifice and commitment. both had hidden agenda's; both lived a double lifestyle of other commitments. very tragic how two ended there love affair.  I love the tune. for tells how two collision courses can happen only once in a lifetime.

 listening to Snotty Nose Rez Kids - Creator Made Me An Animal. Beautiful masterpiece for us indigenous people to listen in times that we face during this age. I suggest anyone to listen to there art. they deserve it. huge respect to them for making and creating music for me to find.     

"trust takes years to make, seconds to break and forever to repair." the most powerful words I read tonight browsing comments on "drake - trust issues" youtube video. I can relate so much to that so much; such a powerful comment that caught my attention.  I had to cut a lot of people off throughout my life and even most recently, I had to terminate a common law relationship. had to sit back and re-evaluate it; to much trust broken; so I had to cut it off.  if the same error keeps happening then it is clear. it is a choice. I find myself cutting off more people has I progress through my life. but its worth it, because a peace of mind is all I am focused on.  less people; less stress; less drama; less problems. I am no problem solver but a problem solver of my own problem. I can only solve my problems; I can only solve my issues not anyone else's; and I don't expect anyone to. I don't want no hero; and I am not expecting one.  independence is gained throug...

  living with type 2 diabetes comes with new commitment's and a whole new discipline with a new lifestyle. I must be clean; I must practice good hygiene and a healthy diet with a lot of time in the gym.  and do not forget medication. sometimes we cannot afford healthy food's like most. so I am a diabetic living in poverty. so I got to focus on exspelling the nasty sugars and sodium out of my body daily. the medications help with that. it really does. I know some take the holistic approach and rely on herbal remedies and a strict diet; well my battle with diabetes is different. I take what is prescribed and battle with the nasty side effects and get my behind to the gym and ride with the wave I am on. before diabetes I was always a gym dude. it keeps me grounded and aware of my body; attuned to any kind of change it goes through. and the feeling is amazing after a few rounds throughout the day in the gym.  it keeps my mental health grounded also. I love pushing my body beh...

 the truth is; the hardest facts to accept are; the world is a nasty place. and it will beat you down and wear you out. and I myself, have accepted the fact; I have trouble that follows me everywhere. a bad case of bad luck. what keeps me surviving that trials and tribulations of that is faith. keeping my faith strong and alive no matter what I face along my path.  I have battled homelessness, a dysfunctional life for 90% of the time I have been alive. even battled the critics and the judge-mental while in recovery for substance; trust me. things didn't get better. it was like a karmic curse has been brought down on me. and I finally realize that. I accepted it. what I can do is just try be a good person person about what ever I come face to face with.  I am not looking for it. but I am addressing it. I finally came to term's I do not trust a soul connecting to mine. the trauma is there. the trauma of betrayal. it is built in my mind that everyone I will meet friend or po...

 

 he seeks to redevelop his stoic persona. seeks a higher form of spiritual power. his quest has just got more interesting; he realized that when he fell in love with a certain individual; he lost certain things that fortified his mind; his body; his focus, his will and his spirit. he seeks to cut the chords of what he gave in to. seeks to demolish a karmic curse. he pledges no more karmic lesson's; no more pursuit's of companionship or any type of relationship. he realized his twin flame left him 12 years ago. his soul mate was the mother of his first child. there is nothing left to seek or learn from anyone when surrounding love; human nature. he is going to respect the laws of human nature and just focus on achieving a higher form of intelligence and wisdom. stoicism, faith in spirituality will be his top priorities. nothing left to learn from a life of sin.

 a new chapter has begun, as he meditated for an hour; awaiting for his tea to be made. the day is almost finished. he connected with his higher power. as he consulted; which direction should I take this evening. north? east? west? or south? its cold out there. my energy is almost depleted. I exhausted 70%. only 30% left so I can have a full night's rest. he sat there in the temple training his body; ex-spelling any thought of the dreadful past. crafting up mental barriers that won't be shattered for the next spectacle to try invade his wellbeing and pull him away from his path and lead him astray. he's focused this time around; he knows what he has to do down the path he walks on. he's staying focused on the objective. a goal no one knows about. with each repetition. each set; his mind was about to be clear of wreckage; clean of the negative energy he had been entrapped in for the last year before this very moment. this time he wasn't so much broken; it was almost ...