whitefoxman: the one who walks the coldest path

 this morning,  I learnt a harsh truth..... the loved one I prayed this past sunday tried to murder me with crack cocaine. I am a forgiving person. but he could've been a man. could've just fought with me like a man;  instead. what cowards do. he would rather watch me suffer with poison. he could've fought me with his fists. and I would've danced with him with mine. instead........ he chose to use substance. I can respect the other two men that apologized to me tonight. those are humans, those are men. but for him...I can't call him a man. nor can I look at him as a man.  I understand now, why he brags about being a killer. he poisons his victims with there addictions then leaves them to die has he takes everything from them. a fallen angel of death. in disguise of an indigenous man. no honour in that man. just nothing but a souless individual who causes pain in everyone he is around. his daughter doesn't know but maybe eventually she will see this. her loving f...

 Being an addict trying to be on good terms and be generous and caring for family and anyone is a hard life.  Tonight I happened to do some crack cocaine...  Unfortunately that almost killed me tonight.  An uncle who pretty much raised me. Gave me crack cocaine tonight laced with fentanyl.  Then had the audacity to watch me run to the washroom fighting for my life to stay coherent and alive.  For three hours he watched me.  Thank God for naloxone.  Thank God for holding me back tonight from wanting to physically harm him tonight here at my grandmothers apartment where we all live.  The motherfucker tried to kill me because he owed me money and recently I just found out I am HIV. This is the native on native violence we native people live with here in Winnipeg Manitoba.  Tried to kill me when I am trying to fight for my life and gain some stability.  Tried to take my life so he can avoid paying me back for what I helped out our famil...

  you know, I thought about my illnesses lately these past few days. three and a half years ago I caught type 2 diabetes. my whole world was shaken by it. I had to learn on my own to change the way I ate. I had to cut out alot. I had to adapt to all the diabetic medications I am taking. I watched how that disease destroyed my body within, took away my strength. and changed the way I looked at myself when I looked in the mirror. 3 years later after falling back into darkness, chaos, destruction; I survived another spiritual battle within myself internally and externally. I gave in to my dark desires, addiction to drugs, addiction to sex and addiction to chaos and destruction. I fell back into destruction and chaos and that darkness. while living like that I always keep that light and fire burning inside of me. I kept it lit. I kept it burning. I kept it determined to perserve and stood resilient against what ever came to take me I was ready to accept my fate, my doom and yes, my end...